1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:04,359 This programme contains some strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:05,919 - CHANTING: - Isle of fucking Wight! - Brace yourself. 3 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:08,559 I've got some exciting news, I'd like for you to stay on. 4 00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:12,239 - How long are we talking? - Six months? Maybe a year? 5 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:15,399 Who's this handsome big man, Nina? Is this a new friend? 6 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:19,199 - This is my colleague, Clayton. - American scientist, bro. 7 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,239 Let me touch your favourite pen last week. 8 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:24,439 I realised that if I don't do what I really want, then that's failing. 9 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:26,319 What do you really want? 10 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,279 I want to come home. I can still make it to Knutsford by five. 11 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:30,799 The race is on. 12 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:32,879 Maybe one day I'll drive her up to Glass-cow. 13 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:34,920 - It's Glasgow. - Heard it both ways. 14 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:40,239 Where is he? Should be here by now. 15 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:41,679 Uh, maybe it's because you sent him 16 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:44,600 a picture of you and your work husband all cosied up. 17 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:00,560 I'm fine. 18 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,879 - Has she heard from him? - I don't know. 19 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:10,959 - She hasn't said. - Maybe he got on the wrong train. 20 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:13,159 What if he's in Newport? We need to send help. 21 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:16,439 Maybe he just changed his mind... Hi! Nina's up! 22 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:18,999 Nin-dog's home. Sorry I missed you last night, Nina. 23 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,319 I'd already taken my magnesium. Lights out. 24 00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:22,840 - I still don't do hugs. - Right. 25 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:26,439 Stop looking at me. I'm fine. 26 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:27,519 Fine as hell. 27 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:31,399 - Yep. - So, has he called, texted, sent an owl? 28 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:33,079 There's more mugs than there used to be. 29 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,799 Oh, I brought a few key pieces of crockery when I moved in. 30 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:37,719 Maybe it had nothing to do with the text. 31 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:41,479 OK? I was thinking about it, and maybe he didn't mind the gap. 32 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,039 Just fell right between the train and the platform. 33 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:45,919 He is very slender. 34 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:47,879 Is that an air fryer? 35 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,319 Dehydrator. I've be making my own fruit leathers. 36 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,319 - Would you like some? - To wear? - To eat. 37 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:56,759 - Oh! - Maybe he got initiated by a gang. 38 00:01:56,760 --> 00:02:00,159 No, he couldn't be in a gang. He can't snap his fingers properly. 39 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:01,719 Who can't snap their fingers properly? 40 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,879 - Why are you here? - Hospitable as ever, Lurch. 41 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:04,999 Good to have you home. 42 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,399 Find any dead bodies while you were digging up that island? 43 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:08,999 Why, is that where you hide them, Bo? 44 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,879 - SARCASTIC: - Hee-hee-hee. 45 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:14,359 I thought you quit vaping after that Oliver North documentary. 46 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:17,679 It was Jordan North, and I did quit. And then I got stressed again. 47 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:20,599 - And why are you eating my cereal? - No vaping in the kitchen. 48 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,759 - He has been here every morning for months. - No, I haven't. 49 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,199 He only ever hangs about with us when he's in crisis. 50 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:28,439 Maybe Hilda's coven's squatting at his flat. 51 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,159 - God knows, but he's been so weird. - No, I haven't. 52 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,119 There's no shame in asking for help, my brother. 53 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,359 - I don't need help. - He tried to grow out his moustache. 54 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,919 - He looked like a Pringles can. - Well, that's because he's a tube. 55 00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:41,279 - And the weird play dates with Ranesh. - Play is important. 56 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:42,679 Maybe he's in trouble at work. 57 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,479 Stop using me to distract Gronk. 58 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:45,560 And the jogging. 59 00:02:45,561 --> 00:02:48,159 You've been running in public, Bo? 60 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:51,399 Bo usually doesn't run in public. He's got a really weird gait. 61 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,439 - Hm. He runs like a silent movie villain. - Mm-hm. 62 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,199 On his tippy toes, like this. 63 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:56,920 And he goes... 64 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:56,919 BREATHY WHINE 65 00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:59,040 - No, I don't. - You do. - I'm going to work. 66 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,840 If you even still have a job. 67 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,200 Good to have you back, Nina. 68 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,200 FRONT DOOR CLOSES 69 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:17,320 DUCK QUACKS 70 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,679 - Happy to be back? - Very much so. 71 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,239 Everything's back to normal. 72 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:35,599 Between you being away on the island 73 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,159 and Amber working on the big gay boyband cruise, 74 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:39,210 I've been so lonely. 75 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,360 Isn't that why you got married? 76 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:45,839 Where are you going? 77 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:47,199 I go this way now. 78 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,879 But I'll meet you for lunch, yeah? 79 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,199 Oh, and please come to your welcome home dinner. 80 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,599 - Mum and Dad are dead excited. - I don't want to. 81 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,799 Well, you don't have to eat. Let's play it by ear. 82 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:59,290 Evie, what if Lee decided I'm too much hard work and changed his mind? 83 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,559 I think... 84 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:05,639 ..he met Taylor Swift and he ran away with her. 85 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,759 - I wouldn't hold that against him. - No way. 86 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:09,719 I made Ranesh promise, if he gets the opportunity, 87 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,040 he WILL cheat on me with Tay. 88 00:04:11,041 --> 00:04:16,159 - Do you think Ranesh has a chance with Taylor Swift? - Yes! 89 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:17,210 CACKLING 90 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:20,959 SHE SNORTS 91 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,919 Thanks, Evie. That's really cheered me up! 92 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:26,319 SHE LAUGHS 93 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,839 He could seduce her with a little tea ceremony. 94 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:31,399 It worked on me! 95 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,440 - That's cos you're weak minded. - No... 96 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,440 Hello. You've reached... 97 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:49,290 SHE SIGHS 98 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,919 There she is! 99 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,959 The prodigal daughter returns. 100 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,159 Or are you a Catholic? 101 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,919 Uh, no, but seriously, I'm not supposed to ask that. 102 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,439 Welcome home, Dr... Wait, wait. Where are you going? 103 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,759 - To the office. - Oh, we moved wings a few months ago. 104 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:09,199 Antiquities needed our old space. 105 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:12,119 But if you ask me, it's just a power play from them. 106 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:13,319 Classic Antiquities. 107 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:16,119 Yeah. So, Isle of Wight... 108 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:17,319 What's the talent like? 109 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:18,799 - Tasty? - Eurgh. 110 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,520 Yep. That's right, down there. 111 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:29,799 APPLAUSE 112 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,719 Why are they doing that? 113 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,159 Dr MacArthur, 114 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,999 you have five highly cited papers. 115 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,399 You discovered a new species of insect. 116 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:40,679 You're a celebrity now. 117 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,559 QUIET CHEERING 118 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:46,120 Thank you. But please stop - I don't like that. 119 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:51,359 There he is. Your old partner in crime. 120 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:54,319 Been terribly quiet around here without you two causing trouble. 121 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:57,039 Here's that gastropod I emailed you about. 122 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,799 I was supposed to forward it to London, 123 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:00,199 but I saved it for your return. 124 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,639 - You're back early. - Yeah. I had a change of plan. 125 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:04,719 We're not supposed to hoard the fossils. 126 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:07,799 Nina called dibs on gastropods three years ago. 127 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,000 Hm. Thank you, Declan. 128 00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:12,920 - Where's my desk? - Over by the shark teeth. 129 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:15,759 But I always sit opposite Declan. 130 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:16,999 Well, that's where the, erm, 131 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:20,319 social pod and hydration station live now, Nina. 132 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:22,999 Besides, we thought our triumphant and fearless explorer 133 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,719 deserved something a little bit special. 134 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,559 I don't want special. I want normal. 135 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:30,119 It's within hearing range of his crying bathroom. 136 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:31,999 Ha! 137 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,199 Very funny, Declan. Crying bathroom! 138 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:37,080 They're back, ladies and gentlemen! 139 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,160 Better get on with my sewing. 140 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,519 What is he up to? 141 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,800 He's co-chairing the museum fundraising event committee. 142 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:54,319 - We all have to dress up this year. - Eurgh! 143 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:56,160 My feelings exactly. 144 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:10,879 - Hello, you've reached Lee's phone... - There you go. 145 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,870 - Thank you so much. - Have a good day. Next. 146 00:07:12,871 --> 00:07:16,999 - Can I get a tuna melt, please? - Ah, we don't do those any more. 147 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,599 - You don't do tuna any more? - We do tuna sandwich. 148 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:23,079 We do a tuna and cheese baguette, but we don't serve it hot any more. 149 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,919 Can you just put the tuna cheese baguette on a panini press, please? 150 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:29,079 My boss is pretty strict. No more fish on the press. 151 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:31,959 You can't just take a beloved item off of the menu. 152 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,799 People love a tuna melt. Give the people what they want. 153 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,719 Nobody likes hot tuna. 154 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:38,639 And we only serve, like, one a day 155 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,559 to some woman who I think died last year. 156 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:43,210 No, that was me. I didn't die. I went to the Isle of Wight. 157 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:48,079 - Did you want anything else or...? - I want a fucking tuna melt. 158 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:49,279 I want my fucking tuna melt, 159 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:51,879 I want my desk to go back to where it used to be in my old office, 160 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:54,479 I want Lee to pick up the phone, I want my sister to walk me to work, 161 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:55,879 I want my brother to stop acting weird, 162 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,759 and I want everything to go back to how it was 163 00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,279 before I went to the Isle of Wight! 164 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:00,560 Nina, what's going on? 165 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,799 Stopped selling tuna melts. 166 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:05,850 Scum. 167 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:12,370 You all right? 168 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:16,400 That was nearly a tuna meltdown. 169 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,479 I tried phoning Lee but... 170 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:22,840 ..it just goes to voicemail. 171 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,759 Maybe he did think that you and the American 172 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:29,079 were getting a wee bit too cosy. 173 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:31,279 I don't want to play the maybe game any more, Evie. 174 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,519 I just keep circling back to either he hates me now 175 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,279 or something terrible's happened to him 176 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,199 and we should have phoned the police. 177 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,720 Look, I'm sure he's fine. 178 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,399 I went past Bo's on the way here. 179 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,879 No sign of Hilda or the new people carrier. 180 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,599 Why is Bo buying a people carrier? He hates people. 181 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,279 Maybe he needed the space because he's joined a dogging group. 182 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:50,959 Mm... 183 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,720 - Bo he can't do dogging. He gets stage fright. - Mm. 184 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:58,159 And there was a big sexy man coming out of his flat. 185 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,239 - Maybe Bo's gay. - No chance. 186 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,119 If Bo was gay he would have told us. 187 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,039 He'd finally have something interesting to say about himself. 188 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,090 Mm... 189 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:08,650 - BOTH: - Ah... 190 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,039 - Could you do dogging? - 100%. 191 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:14,639 I don't think I'd like it. 192 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,960 - I'd be scared a moth would get in the car. - Oh... 193 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:25,719 I'm fine. 194 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:28,959 Nina, Nina, Nina. Oh... 195 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:32,039 I just ran from the station. I wanted to find you straight away. 196 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,479 Oh, my God. I waited for you at Knutsford. 197 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,879 My train got put off because there was a sheep on the line 198 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:39,079 and I had to wait in Carlisle 199 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:40,799 for...for four hours for a replacement train, 200 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:41,999 and I fell asleep in the toilet. 201 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,759 And then when I woke up, I was locked in the station. 202 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,959 I thought, "That's funny, me being locked in the toilet." 203 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,039 - Cos remember, you got locked in the toilet? - Uh-huh. 204 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,679 And I would have called you, but my phone died. Then I had to get... 205 00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:52,559 I had to buy a charger from this guy and I think he worked there 206 00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:53,639 but I'm not sure he worked there 207 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:55,559 cos when I plugged it in, the phone exploded. 208 00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,519 And then it was on fire and I had to throw it in the puddle. 209 00:09:57,520 --> 00:09:59,039 And then it was hot and it was wet and it was... 210 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:01,799 - And I had to get a big bag of rice. - I thought you changed your mind. 211 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,279 No, I never change my mind. 212 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:05,519 That's you that does that. 213 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,279 - Yeah. - There's no... - Yeah. I change my mind. 214 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:10,639 Um... I'm glad you're not hurt. 215 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:11,799 Or in a gang. 216 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:14,479 Evie thought maybe you not showing up had something to do with Clayton. 217 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,199 - Why would have had something to do with Clayton? - I don't know, 218 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,639 but I rarely understand neurotypical people's motives. 219 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,719 - So... - He's just your work friend, though, right? 220 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:25,119 Like Declan, but big and American. 221 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:26,280 Yeah. 222 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,239 I have to... I have to go back to work. 223 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:33,439 - OK. - I'm...I'm meeting my family 224 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,800 at the Hog's Head after, um, for drinks. 225 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,919 You should come. 226 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:43,000 - My parents would be really happy to see you. - That'd be nice. 227 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:46,719 PANTING 228 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,480 - I missed you. - Oh! 229 00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:51,239 I missed you, too, Nina. 230 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:54,199 I know that I usually object to voice notes on a moral basis, 231 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,999 but I had to let you know, Evie - 232 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,439 I saw Lee. 233 00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,559 He's back. He didn't join a gang. 234 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,279 He missed his train and then he got locked in a toilet. 235 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:06,239 I hugged him and he seemed really happy 236 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:09,079 and I've invited him for drinks tonight 237 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:13,159 and I think everything has gone...back to normal. 238 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,280 Evie... 239 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:18,919 ..I need to go. Um, Shane is hovering nearby 240 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,879 and he's pulling a weird face and I don't know what it means. 241 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:23,439 OK, bye. 242 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,279 - Can I grab a tight five? - No. 243 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,359 - How about a loose five? - No. 244 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:28,839 I've got a surprise for you, 245 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:31,639 and we need to get that security pass photo renewed. 246 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:33,519 My office is set up for your photo shoot. 247 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:36,119 - I don't want to do that. - Uh, which...which part? 248 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:37,359 Any of it. 249 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,359 - I'm going for a walk. - Oh, is that... 250 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,079 Is that... Is that for your autism? 251 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,480 - Yeah, sure. - Great. Fantastic. 252 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:49,400 Off on an autism walk. 253 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,130 You get it. 254 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:08,120 Hey, Scotland. 255 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:12,159 - Forgot your favourite pen. - Oh, my God! 256 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,039 Clayton, what are you doing here? 257 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:16,799 - What, no hug? - What is it with you Americans 258 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:18,839 and your need to squish your bodies together? 259 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:20,439 Answer my question. 260 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,879 Well, I got talking with Shane 261 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:24,159 when you were going through your whole flip-flop thing, 262 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,999 and he asked me to take a shot at being a visiting researcher. 263 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,599 We're doing public outreach, 264 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:32,239 using my profile to help boost the museum's social media presence. 265 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,879 Apparently, the current palaeontology staff, 266 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,759 they refuse to engage with the public. 267 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,959 That's because the public are idiots and don't like being told 268 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,559 that Jurassic Park is hideously inaccurate! 269 00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:47,279 - OK. - When do you start and how did you get here so fast? 270 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:50,279 And...I've got so many questions. 271 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:52,519 Answer those two first and then we'll circle back. 272 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,279 Such an academic. Always on the hunt for information. 273 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:58,799 - Uh-huh. - I start this week, Scotland. Yeah. Flew in this morning. 274 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,959 I was going to swing by your office and surprise you... 275 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,520 I hate surprises! 276 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,999 I love this pen. Thank you. 277 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,199 Well, you're right about one thing, Scotland. 278 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,359 From what I've seen of it, Glass-cow is pretty awesome. 279 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,999 Glasgow. And it's very awesome. 280 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,479 Best city in the world, according to you. 281 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:16,199 Absolutely is the best city in the world, 282 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,719 from the Kelvin to the Clyde. 283 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:19,719 Glasgow is the fertile soil which inspired 284 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,479 the inventors of the steam engine, and of television! 285 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:24,319 I think Amherst would give you a run for your money. 286 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:26,679 You're delusional. And no, it couldn't. 287 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,119 Also, we would destroy you in hand-to-hand combat. 288 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,879 - Stop flirting, Scotland. - I'm not! 289 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:33,280 Oh, OK. OK. 290 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,719 So what are your plans tonight? 291 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:39,719 Well, at six, I'm going to the Hog's Head 292 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:42,599 to meet my mum and dad and my family for dinner, 293 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,079 though Evie says I don't have to eat if I don't want to - 294 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:47,320 - I can play it by ear. - Cool. I'll see you later. 295 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:50,999 Clay, 296 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,599 you know that you can't charm Glaswegians 297 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:53,919 like you do everybody else. 298 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,319 Worked on you, Scotland. 299 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:57,520 Mm... 300 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,799 Right. Dr MacArthur, 301 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,479 are you ready for your close-up? 302 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:06,079 I hate getting my photo taken. 303 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:09,079 Don't worry. I've taken a pet photography course. 304 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:10,879 So you ran into my new hire? 305 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:14,479 We really needed someone who could, um, reach the kids. 306 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,599 You know, give a smile and educate the guests... 307 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,159 ..without lecturing them, Nina. 308 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,210 OK... 309 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:26,359 Could you relax your face? A bit more warmth in the eyes? 310 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:28,800 Um... Just stop... stop scowling at the camera? 311 00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:33,279 Oh, have you given any thought to your costume for the fundraiser? 312 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:36,119 - No. - It's historical figures in palaeontology. 313 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:37,559 Yeah, but don't worry if you haven't. 314 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:38,839 I can run you something up. 315 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:41,440 I've, um, taken a tailoring course. 316 00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:47,820 Ah, I know what might help. 317 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:50,639 Right. Look at the birdie. 318 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,519 SQUEAK 319 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:54,599 - Good girl. - No. 320 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,479 No, no, I meant in a dog way, 321 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:57,799 - not in a... - No. 322 00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:58,850 SQUEAK 323 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,119 Oh, goodness. 324 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,120 I might have to report myself to myself. 325 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,760 BEEP, BEEP 326 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,759 Eh... 327 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:11,960 BEEP 328 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:11,959 No. 329 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,240 BEEP 330 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,239 No. 331 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:14,560 BEEP 332 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:14,560 No. 333 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,199 Hello. 334 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:19,799 You've been here a lot today. 335 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,519 You've needed me a lot today. 336 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:24,239 - I'm fine. - Nina, I know that you're fine, 337 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:25,559 {\an8}but you're not very good at asking 338 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,159 {\an8}for a bit of extra support when you need it. 339 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,639 I'm your sister, I can tell. How was work? 340 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,639 It was awful. They've moved my office. 341 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,799 People kept applauding when I walked into rooms. 342 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,999 And... Eurgh. ..Shane called me a good girl. 343 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,639 - Ew! - I know. 344 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,519 - So Lee's back? - Yes. - Do you think he's bullshitting? 345 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,759 I think, given the state of the current UK rail network, 346 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,159 it's statistically likely that his train was cancelled. 347 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:49,559 But you can ask him when we meet him at the Hog's Head. 348 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:50,610 I invited him. 349 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:53,930 That's good. 350 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,399 So how was the big romantic reuniting? 351 00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:00,879 Fine. I mean, awkward. But fine. 352 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:03,479 But every conversation I have with somebody who isn't you is awkward, 353 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,399 so I think it was normal awkward. 354 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,679 Or it was bad awkward. I don't know. 355 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,879 But it was nice to see him from the neck down. 356 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,999 I forgot how lovely his shoulders were. 357 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,050 Aw... 358 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:18,999 Did you read that article I sent you about the sword dragon fossils? 359 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,199 - Yeah. - Are you lying? - Yeah. 360 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:24,679 Oh, Clayton got a job at the museum. 361 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:25,719 Temporarily. 362 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:26,999 What? 363 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,759 Nina, when I said, "How was your day?" 364 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,519 you really thought the relocation of your office was the priority? 365 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:33,900 He brought my favourite pen. 366 00:16:33,931 --> 00:16:37,919 Are you telling me your work husband flew 367 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:39,439 all the way to Glasgow just to see you? 368 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,079 He's not my husband in any capacity. 369 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:42,759 And he's not here to see me. 370 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:44,399 He's here to work temporarily. 371 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:45,599 He's chasing you. 372 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,159 Clayton's not chasing me. He's my colleague. 373 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,519 Oh, and, spoke to Lee, 374 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:52,759 and he said him not showing up had nothing to do with Clayton. 375 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,319 So you were wrong. 376 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,639 Or he was lying. 377 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,879 - Men lie when they're insecure. - Great. 378 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:00,920 More weird social cues I don't get. 379 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,280 SHE SINGS 380 00:17:09,051 --> 00:17:12,959 Before you go full Avril Lavigne on me, 381 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,479 I've got more information on Bo. 382 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,959 - You don't have to keep distracting me. - I'm invested now. 383 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,999 I spent three hours after lunch setting up a fake profile, 384 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,559 so I could befriend our brother on that account. 385 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,159 - Guess what I found. - I'm bad at guessing. - Just guess. 386 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,399 Eh... 387 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,959 Bo's been radicalised by the right wing. 388 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:30,999 No. 389 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,439 Oh! He's a furry. 390 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:33,490 Ew, no! 391 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,159 He's got a foot thing? 392 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:38,879 Maybe, but, no. 393 00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,599 He's selling his PlayStation 5. 394 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,239 No! 395 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:43,839 - Bo loves his console. - I know. 396 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:46,199 That's where he goes to, like, punch pedestrians 397 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:49,359 and to tend his little pumpkin patch in his Dreamlight Valley. 398 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:52,919 I know. Something is most definitely afoot. 399 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,519 I think he's lost his job, 400 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:56,679 sold his flat to that big sexy man, 401 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,679 and he's living couch to couch like an early Ed Sheeran. 402 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:01,199 You said he has breakfast at ours most mornings. 403 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:02,799 Is he wearing business attire? 404 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,559 Yeah, but that doesn't mean anything. 405 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,319 He's probably just sat in the park in his wee suit feeding the pigeons 406 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,390 cos he's too afraid to tell Mum and Dad he's fucked his life up. 407 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,119 Oh, my God. 408 00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:14,279 For the first time, I'm the best sibling. 409 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:17,279 - Evie! - Oh, let me have it. 410 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:18,330 Bo. 411 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,160 - Hi, Bo. - Hello, brother. 412 00:18:22,161 --> 00:18:26,799 - I'm telling Mum and Dad. - What are you talking about? 413 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:27,880 We know your secret. 414 00:18:27,881 --> 00:18:30,879 There's no secret. I don't have a secret. 415 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,279 - Who's the man living at your flat? - What? 416 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,119 Selling your PlayStation, huh? 417 00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:36,999 Found a buyer, have you? 418 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,280 Why are you two like this? 419 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,919 Oh, Evie wants to feel like the superior sibling, 420 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,759 and I kind of need a distraction. 421 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,679 But now I'm just doing it cos it's fun. 422 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:47,759 Fuck this, I'm walking. 423 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,559 - Bye, Bo. - We'll race you. 424 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:51,919 I think he's definitely a furry. 425 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:53,440 Thanks, driver. 426 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,679 Nin-bean! Oh-ho! 427 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:05,639 Oh, I'm glad you came home, kid. 428 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:07,399 I was worried you were going to stay on that island. 429 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,199 Why didn't you say anything? 430 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,599 It's a parent's job to be supportive, no matter what. 431 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:14,039 I think you need to re-evaluate your approach, Dad, 432 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:15,479 put your foot down occasionally. 433 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:16,919 What if I said I was going to get a tattoo? 434 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,719 I'd probably ask you which bum cheek you were you going to get it on. 435 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,719 It's good that your wee pal finally showed up. 436 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:22,799 Your mum likes him. 437 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:24,599 Now, I know you don't like a fuss, kid, 438 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,319 but you do enjoy Times New Roman. 439 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:28,440 It's perfect. 440 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,319 - Oh... - Hello. - Hi. 441 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:36,879 Bo's got a secret. 442 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,279 Mm-hm! And he won't tell us. 443 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:42,799 He's either joined a cult or he's addicted to online bingo. 444 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:43,879 Maybe it's both. 445 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,079 People on those bingo adverts look way too happy. 446 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:47,799 Mm-hm. Mm. 447 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,479 You're definitely up to something. 448 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,959 Would yous mind your own business?! 449 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,879 Hm! You're like a sexy Columbo. 450 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,599 - Murder She Wrote is sexy Columbo. - Very true. - Mm. 451 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,199 At least tell us who the hunky guy living in your flat is. 452 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,439 He's already taken, Lurch. 453 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:00,439 SARCASTIC LAUGH 454 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:01,479 Shut up. 455 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,559 Are you in a throuple, Bo? 456 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,919 When Hilda moved out, I converted her apothecary into a bedroom, 457 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,719 and I've been letting it out to some junior doctor called Craig. 458 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:12,119 A lodger, very smart, Bo. Passive income. 459 00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:15,719 If Bo has a passive income then why is he selling his console? Hm? 460 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,079 Is it addiction? Is it bath salts, Bo? 461 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,079 Bo, have you been sniffing soaps? 462 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:21,520 Taking bumps of shower gel? 463 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:26,159 MOBILE PINGS 464 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,839 Guys. Amber's back. 465 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,279 She's coming to the pub. 466 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:31,799 Oh, my twin flame! 467 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,199 She's been working on this big gay boyband cruise 468 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:35,679 for the last eight months. 469 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,119 The drama on that ship. 470 00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:40,119 Honestly, every voice note was like my own personal podcast. 471 00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:41,679 STRAINED INHALE 472 00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:42,760 Here we go. 473 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,119 What's he doing? 474 00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:48,919 MOBILE PLAYS: Zadok The Priest by GF Handel 475 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:50,159 What's going on? 476 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:51,280 Why is he doing that? 477 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:54,570 Hello? 478 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:03,840 Zadok the Priest! 479 00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:09,200 NINA GASPS 480 00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:09,199 Amber's pregnant! 481 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,679 I'm going to kill you! 482 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,599 Who do you think the dad is? 483 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,560 Dad, Mum, Sisters, Ranesh... 484 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:19,359 ..coffee man, 485 00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,039 - Me and Amber... - Amber and I. 486 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,119 We're having a baby...together. 487 00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:24,919 I'm carrying the MacArthur heir. 488 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:28,239 We're not a couple, obviously - that would be disgusting. 489 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,599 We're consciously, gently co-parenting. 490 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,479 Many blessings. May I touch the bump? 491 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:37,119 - Er, no. - We promised we wouldn't sleep with each other's friends. 492 00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:38,559 You shagged Stevie with the eyebrows. 493 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:39,679 Didn't get him pregnant. 494 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:40,759 I take it you didn't know. 495 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,399 Oh, no. I never pick up on stuff like this. 496 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,879 - A baby! Oh! - Well done! 497 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:47,519 - Well done?! - Baby Bo! 498 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:50,359 Well done, Bo?! He's got my best friend pregnant 499 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,470 and we're just saying, "Well done, Bo"?! 500 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,679 - Um, do you need to...? - No, no, no. 501 00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:00,759 - Can I get some crisps, please? - Aye, no bother. 502 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:01,810 Salt and vinegar. 503 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:05,279 Why didn't you tell me? 504 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,359 Babe, at first I didn't realise. 505 00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:09,519 I thought I had buffet belly and seasickness from the cruise. 506 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:11,239 Amber, 507 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,799 you sent me, like, 17-minute-long voice notes every day - 508 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,159 you could have dropped it in. 509 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:16,760 By the time I found out, I just... 510 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,280 I was so scared. 511 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,079 Oh, Amber! 512 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:26,159 And I just wanted to tell you in person. 513 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:27,959 Yeah. 514 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,679 I promise I'll never keep anything from you ever again. 515 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,039 - Better not. - You're going to be the coolest auntie. 516 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:34,959 You're going to be the best mum. 517 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:35,999 What the hell? 518 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,839 And Bo's going to be a dad. 519 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:38,920 BOTH: Yeah. 520 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:42,679 - When? - The wedding. 521 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,439 - Where? - The shed. 522 00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:45,919 That's romantic. 523 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:47,239 How did your parents take it? 524 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:48,999 My mum was so happy. 525 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,559 A phone psychic told her she'd never be a granny. 526 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,319 So she might get a refund. 527 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:54,559 Your crisps. 528 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:58,039 - Did I say ready salted? - Yeah. 529 00:22:58,040 --> 00:22:59,719 - It's better for the baby. - Is it? 530 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:00,759 Yeah. 531 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:02,990 You're going to be an auntie. How do you feel? 532 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:06,959 Isn't she positively glowing? 533 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,519 How much work will this entail for me? 534 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:12,320 A lot. But I'm good with babies, so, you know, I can help. 535 00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,479 - CLAYTON: - Hey! Hello, friends. 536 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,719 - DIANE: - Hey, my favourite American! 537 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:21,039 - What are you doing here? - Well, Nina invited me. 538 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:22,679 No, I didn't. I just told you where I was going. 539 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:25,159 Information does not an invitation make. 540 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,759 It's so good to finally meet you in person. I'm Clay. 541 00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:29,839 Lee. Yeah. No, I know, I know. 542 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:33,439 I'm Bo. You must be Nina's hunky work husband. 543 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:34,999 Mum and Dad told me all about you. 544 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:36,359 I'm Amber. 545 00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:37,879 The woman whose pregnancy announcement 546 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,079 you've just trampled all over. 547 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:41,079 Amber, I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you. 548 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:42,359 - Tell me where to send the gift. - Ugh! 549 00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:44,119 - ADE: - Sit down. We'll get you a drink. 550 00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:45,199 - DIANE: - Hold on. 551 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:49,399 I need to get a picture of this - Nina and her friends. 552 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,279 Oh, Nina, remember when all your friends were dead scientists? 553 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:54,799 - Yep. - We had to get you a Ouija board. 554 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,679 - LEE: - So, um, how's Scotland treating you? 555 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,559 She's kind of mean, but I like her. 556 00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:01,479 - DIANE: - Smile! - Three's a crowd, eh? 557 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,080 Come on, cosy up, you three. 558 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,439 Did I see you in paradise 559 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:12,599 On the back of your brother's motorbike? 560 00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:15,639 There was no way of telling you 561 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:18,799 And nobody wanted to 562 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,439 Last we talked, it was all night 563 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:24,599 And your new girlfriend looked pretty nice 564 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,559 The kind of girl that your parents like 565 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,920 You were still unsatisfied... 566 00:24:29,970 --> 00:24:34,520 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0